Dictionary for Women...

1. Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.
   A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
   
2. Airhead (er*hed) n.
   What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
   
3. Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n.
   You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat, and cleaned everything up, but he "made the dinner".
   
4. Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. 
   Gotta get married in a church.
   
5. Childbirth (child*brth) n.
   You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus...breathe...push..."
   
6. Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n.
   Anappliance designed to eat socks.
   
7. Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.
   A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&M's.
   
8. Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.
   The last two minutes of a football game.
   
9. Exercise (ex*er*siz) v.
   To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
   
10. Grocery list (grow*ser*ee list) n.
    What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
    
11. Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.
    Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician".
    
12. Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n.
    Similar to a black hole in space: if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
    
13. Lipstick (lip*stik) n.
    On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!
    
14. Park (park) v./n.
    Before children, a verb meaning "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
    
15. Patience (pa*shens) n.
    The most important ingredient for dating, marriage, and children. See also "tranquilizers".
    
16. Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n.
    A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
    
17. Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.
    Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.